I’m itching to do a proper blog update, but I need to do some preparation and planning, and a smidge of forewarning! (The latter is for you all if anyone sees me in their feeds!!)
My poor blog is so hugely neglected. That doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about it though.
I’ve surmised that the reason I haven’t interacted with it recently is that I have used it as a crochet blog, and although I did my “I didn’t know what prematurity was” entry and it was the first time I actually talked about something that wasn’t crochet on any level.
It was me, raw and passionate and heartfelt.
I am passionate about my crochet, but in the same way I am passionate about my god(s) and my political opinions. They’re mine and I am passionate about them, but in my own way. And because they are so personal to me (totally in a gollum my precious way) I struggle (don’t like to?) talk about them, or share them.
If you’re a liker of my facebook (there should be a fb like box on my blog somewhere) or instagram (@ trulyajadeddiamond) you already know that even using my crappy phone camera skills that I can take some amazing (if I do say so myself) pictures of my crochet, yes they may only look amazing to a fellow crocheter or someone who truly appreciates handmade stuff. (Like the person who commented on a picture where I’d only managed 15 stitches that day with “but 15 beautiful stitches” (sic))
I struggle to do a blog post about it. I’ve always said that I’d rather be crocheting than writing about it and I think that stands true.
Then I see my blog name. CrazyCrochetMama.
I chose that (after at least 15 minutes of trying to think wth to call my blog!!) because I am a mama, who has mental health ‘things’ *and* I crochet.
So why have I been pigeon holing myself?
Which leads me to this entry.
This is my prologue (intermission statement?) to a more ‘me’ blog.
There are things I’ve wanted to blog about for quite a long time. Things that I have actually taken pictures of to blog about, things that matter to me and have emotions and feelings.
The internet is a scary place, things get screenshotted and meme’d and that is what has scared me. I do struggle mentally, and I am still unsure whether my self esteem can take the hits I am potentially going to open myself up for.
However, I think that emotionally I need to have a corner of the internet that is my own. A place where I can talk about things that are in my life, things that may just make one other person feel like they’re not alone in how they feel about something.
(Waffle alert)At the end of last year my Weight Watchers leader did sparkle awards and we all nominated people in the month before, and on the night our meeting is held and the awards were going to be given out I made sure I had batteries in my proper camera because I wanted to get a picture of everyone with their awards! (I nominated lots of people and I hoped they all got one!)
Michelle finished giving out the certificates (& read out some lovely reasons why people had been nominated)
Then she said “now the next award is going to be a special award….” I’m an emotional person (& one of those weird people who can feel a mood of a room) so I always get wet eyes when people get awards and stuff never mind special awards!
She went on to describe this person who I wished was in my life, friendly, smiling, always willing to go the extra mile, supportive. And in one of the reasons for someone nominating this person it said “she says what we’re thinking but are too scared to say, and tells her bad experiences as if she’s just letting us know we’re not alone” (not a direct quote more of a summary!)
(Everyone needs someone like that in their lives right?!)
She then picked up a box and said “I wasn’t going to do this, but she had that many nominations, and not just from our meeting, but across all my meetings, people she’s never met, because of the support she offers on facebook… I’m not only giving her a sparkle award, I’m naming her my member of the year”
And she said my name and handed me the box.
Inside was a plate with my name on it and member of the year 2013 (made by one of michelles members I’ll do a link later my phone is being lame!)
That’s when tears started falling, and everyone was looking at me! I can’t remember what I said (fuzzywuzzywasawoman?!)
Afterwards people told me that I inspired them to walk a bit taller, to keep going. And thanked me for not being ashamed of telling my experiences of how I’ve been treated as an overweight person.
It made me feel good.
Now I’m not saying this blog will be about my diet journey, or that it won’t.
I’m going to write as and when the mood takes me, and about what I need to write about that day.
When I was younger my mum (and childrens mental health) encouraged me to write, as a way of channelling my emotions and feelings. And as a way of analysing how I was feeling. So I think that is kind of what I am going to do here.
Have my blog about all aspects of me, because when I write about what matters to me I feel better afterwards. And I’m going to hope that if I ever get meme’d (in a mean way) that I just never see it!!
So watch out for more eloquent ramblings from me in the future!